Tuesday, May 16, 2006
What do you say?
I have hesitated in writing about this subject, because I get so emotional just thinking about it, but tonight seemed like a good time.
Yesterday some good friends of ours had a funeral. They had a funeral for their 13 day old son. They had a funeral for their baby that was born at 28 weeks gestation. They had a funeral for their baby who was on life support for 5 days.
What do you say to someone who has just lost a child? What do you say to someone who has just lost their second child (the first was a mis-carriage.)? What do you say to someone who's heart has just been broken beyond anything you've ever felt?
You can see why this is so emotional. This couple has wanted so badly to have children and are having such a hard time getting them here.
I feel selfish sharing stories with them about my own child, yet I don't feel as if I should walk on egg shells every time I talk to them. I don't want them, or myself to feel awkward when we visit, but I'm just not sure how to approach the situation.
My heart breaks for them and my deepest prayers are with them. What more can you do? I have thought several times about sending them flowers, but that just doesn't come close to expressing my condolences and feelings. I've thought about a card, but every time I try to write one, I just break down.
Having Kathryn with me every day I can only image the grief and pain they are feeling right now. I believe, as they do that everything happens for a reason, but seeing that right now is hard.
~Please keep in mind that I'm not really asking for anyone's opinion on this, but I would be open to any suggestions. Also please keep in mind that I treat this blog just as I do my personal journal and use it to get my feelings and thoughts out.~
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3 comments:
What's wrong with telling them what you've just said here? Your heart breaks for them.. your best prayers are with them.. and send the flowers. Or say it with a hug. They're your friends - so they know how deeply you care. Times like this are difficult for everyone. The best thing you can do for them is just be there for them when/if they need you. Some people turn inward, but some need to be able to pour it out to someone.
There isn't much you can say or do, other than just be there for them, and pray for them.
This happened to two of my friends. One had to deliver her baby at about 5 months gestation, and he was stillborn.
My other friend developed a deadly infection and her baby was delivered around 6 months gestation I believe. She and her husband were able to hold her while she lived for a short while.
I sent cards and had their son over here to play with Matthew and told them I was praying for them. We talked about it a little bit, but no more than they offered to talk about.
It's such a tough situation for you to be in, I know, because you just want to erase their pain or do or say something to make it all better, but you can't. And it sucks. :(
After losing my sister, I found a comforting word always helped. Letting people know you are there helps. Sometimes even offering a meal, something they can freeze maybe, can help.
Saying things like, "Well, at least you can have more kids" or "You'll get over it" doesn't help. I can't believe some of the insensitive things said to my parents.
Don't be ashamed to share your stories. Kathryn is a part of your life, and you can't hide that. If they actually visit with her, it might even take away their sadness for a while to spend time with her.
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